Why are my children still up?

Our clocks are now officially all messed up. The girls were up until almost 10pm last night (or later??)...not sure why exactly. Had something to do with with me changing all the sheets and looking for a missing dinosaur pillowcase which I never did find. Avery actually didn't care...it was me trying to keep matching stuff together, the 5% (Steve may argue more)of my personality that is obsessive/compulsive about stupid things. So the girls were both at school today and when they came home they didn't seem too bad....then they watched TV...not just any TV, a DVD of Giselle,/Sleeping Beauty with Nureyev....real ballet. They both got into their full dance recital costumes and then...


Well I was busy researching how we can facilitate the conversion of my dad's vinyl to MP3 for his birthday (using our existing equipment on hand)...I was engrossed so I let them sleep. It was some 'me' time. Usually I fall asleep putting them to bed and that's the end of my night unless I read for a bit after I drag my sleep self to my own bed.

So Steve's at an open house and gets back sometime between 8:30 and 9pm and Avery has just woken up (Wynne is still dozing) and I am just feeding Avery dinner...crazy. What kind of mum am I? Well they are in bed but not asleep. We will try to get them back on a normal schedule tomorrow. Naps just don't work at almost 5 and 7.

So I may have figured out the vinyl to MP3 thing. I have it sort of working using cassettes and Audacity, although the sound quality is a bit dicey still; now I just need a good turntable with an audio output and my dad needs a bunch of time to do this while he visits us! (Mum....don't tell dad yet...dad will have to bring a bunch of his favourite vinyl with him when he comes next week and his MP3 player).

This week has been okay but I feel like the effects of chemo are dragging on longer and longer. This is basically what I expected. I had small waves of nausea all weekend but I felt pretty good today (although headaches seem to also come and go regularly). Just in time for next Tuesday (next chemo day on June 22nd)! I have my little window to get things organized, tidy up the house, and finish planning Avery's birthday party (thurs). Luckily we took the easy option this year and so we are are having the party at Bingeman Funworx. All I have to do are the loot bags (which do include a few homemade items which I have yet to do!). It's not a birthday party unless I am staying up late making something! At least I don't have to clean the house too!

So I'm hanging in there and still looking for more books recs (Thanks Kanchan...I'm checking them out). I finished "the Girl Who Played with Fire" last night and stayed up way too late the night before trying to finish it and finally relented and save the last 40 pages for last night. Since I'm in between books I should get to sleep within the next half hour or so...so goodnight!!

HALFWAY and Jenn's Recent Book List

Had chemo this morning, CTscan yesterday and gallium scan on Friday and now I am officially half way. We all know how the summer just flies by so this year I hope it does (sorry...hopefully it goes nice and slow for the rest of you!!!!)

Felt crappy today and still have the chemo hangover but it wasn't as bad as last time. They did give me ativan pre-chemo to sedate me and handle my anxiety and I think it helped but it totally zoned me out. The rattail hair is also gone and now if I don't put it into some sort of tiny pony-tail I wake up with a rat's nest now. I am still resisting cutting it all off but it may come to that!

So now for something a bit lighter that I drafted up last week!

I have been reading a lot more the last many months. Steve got me a Sony Reader at Christmastime and I have gone through quite a few books on it and in print since then. I have really enjoyed the books I've read recently and I want to at least share my recent reading list.....since with the e-reader I can no longer share the actual books (the only drawback I see thus far)!! Someday I am going to do the book club thing...maybe this year. I have a small list of possible people that have also expressed interest...let me know if you might be one of them!

Jenn's Book List since around Christmas in no particular order except what comes out my head:
Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen) - this was my free book on the reader and it was my test to see whether I truly wanted to keep the reader...I had my doubts at first. I figured if I could get into it on the reader I could read anything on it.
Queen of Swords (Sara Donati) - 4th in a series I started about 10 yrs ago
Lovely Bones - yes...although the subject matter is difficult I loved the book.
Secret Daughter - lovely story that jumped between india and america
The Disappeared - a love story - Cambodia and Montreal in the 70's, also difficult subject matter and narrative a bit odd but I couldn't put it down
Water for Elephants - made me want to go to the circus, although the animal thing is a bit touchy
The Host (Stefanie Meyer and the 2nd time I read it) - came in a care basket from my Lakefield friends (thank-you Vikki) and contained a chapter not in the first edition. I started to read the new chapter but couldn't remember enough details so I read it all again and enjoyed it almost as much the 2nd time - crazy!
Midnight Sun - Stefanie Meyer partial web edition (i.e Twilight from Edward's perspective). I re-read this because I could put it on my reader, had finished one book and there it was and once I started it for the second time I read the whole thing again...what can I say, I liked the Twilight Saga and read it twice too! I do have a slightly juvenile taste when it comes to certain books!
Love the One Your With - Emily Giffin - a hand me over from Jess - nice story
Time Traveller's Wife - loved it and got the movie for Valentine's Day
Still Life with Chickens - another nice story - a simple memoire of starting over by the sea with chickens
The Help - Kathyrn Stockett - finished last night and really enjoyed the reading but would have liked a bit more at the end - still loved it though!

And since I wrote this last week I am about to finish:

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - this is not my usual type of pick (mystery) and it took a bit longer for me to get into it but I am definitely going to go on to his next two books.

I think there are a few more but they don't come to mind. I am not a choosy reader. I can read almost anything and get something positive out of it. There are two books I did not succeed with recently. Tried Bram Stoker's Dracula on the reader (free e-book) but I apparently lost interest and went on to something else and a Jane Urquart book that I picked up years ago and tried for the 2nd time unsuccessfully....Changing Heaven I think.
A note to anyone considering an e-reader. Some of the free e-books classics that are out there are awful - have not been properly converted and are almost illegible - not sure why but I'm sure they will improve!

So what I am really getting at with all this book stuff is let me know what you are reading! I need recomendations and it's better if they aren't too new or else the e-book is pricier! I like Heather's List on the indigo site. I also like to check out other people's reviews on the web...I should likely contribute some of my own reviews at some point!! So send me your book pics!

By for now and I will try and post next week sometime!!

Jenn%)

It's so chilly tonight!

This is so so unfair. I just spent a long time writing and then editing my post and I hit publish and it disappeared!! Agh!!!! Why didn't I save!!!!!! I thought this thing had autosave.

Okay so I will try again from memory. Luckily I read it through a lot....but it just won't be the same.

Yes it is finally cool again and I am actually cold but I loathe to close the windows until the house cools down completely.
So long time no write. I was waiting to feel inspired (and didn't want to write the same stuff, treatment okay, hair still hanging in there etc) but subconsciously I was possibly avoiding it a bit because thinking and writing about chemo actually makes me feel a bit nauseous. There is a name for this: "anticipatory nausea" and I have it. I get it thinking about the chemo suite or the hospital and it hits me and I have to turn my brain off. The chemo nurse suggested a prescription for Ativan to help with it...she actually said I might want to take it if I am having a weepy day! Sounds addictive.....I haven't had any weepy days and if I get it I think I will stick to using it for chemo days only.

This last chemo day was definitely the worst yet. Had my appointment with the Onc too. Everything was a bit behind because of the holiday Monday. I was told that getting there early for my blood draw would not have helped as the early birds (read seniors) were there by 7:30am even though GRRCC doesn't open until 8am. I of course was late. So I had the blood draw (and felt nauseous starting then) and then my appointment with the oncologist. They have officially put me as a Stage III (above and below the diaphragm). The radiologist that reviewed my CTscan decided that the questionable nodes in my back were likely involved as was my Thymus gland (it was too large for someone my age...it shrinks as you age and is largest when you are 7yrs old..didn't know anything about the thymus...fascinating really). This does not change anything. The plan is still to go ahead with 6 cycles (12 treatments) which is what my oncologist had decided due to the bulkiness of my disease (i.e. swollen face which is now mostly gone).

I had a visitor for this treatment. My friend Andrea who recently decided to quit her engineering job and go back to school for psychology, came to hang out with me and analyze my personality. We got part way through a personality test but I didn't quite make it though all 144 questions. (Thanks Andrea for keeping me company and we have to finish so you can see if your hunches about my personality are correct!). It sure took my mind off stuff while there! I actually asked for a bucket during chemo this time (and Andrea discretely moved her brand new MAC laptop far away from me...she was showing me Vietnam photos!). Luckily I didn't need the bucket but man was it was so much more intense this time. (BTW I have MAC envy thanks to you Andrea!). So when I got home I was starving and maybe ate a bit too much....that afternoon and evening was rougher than it has ever been (without getting into the gory details!). The next few days weren't too, too bad though. I actually made it to Avery's class trip to Yee-Haw Adventure farm on Friday and got to see climbing goats, a crazy border collie and made Avery very happy to have me there! YEE-HAW! It was a hot day and I was whooped when I got home.

So my hair.....as I said it's still hangin in there but I officially (in my opinion) need to cover my head when I go out. I have hair to cover my head and bangs (which I created a few weeks ago) and a rat-tail. Really....if I braided the long hair that is left it would look exactly like a rat-tail...not quite the look I was going for. I went to a MOE training session in Toronto for work on Monday and tried a scarf for the day. It kept slipping back a bit and I had to keep tugging and adjusting. My colleague Katherine suggested a hair band under the scarf to keep it in place...what a great idea I think it will work perfectly!! So for now I am making do with what I've got and haven't gone down the wig route yet! I feel pretty lucky to have made it almost halfway with this much hair. Next week at this time I will be half way done!

So right now I am radioactive. I had my gallium (isotope) injection yesterday and then I have the scan on Friday (2-3 hrs on my back listening to my ipod..not bad). I also have a CTscan on Monday (I just now remembered the awful stuff I have to drink for that...hope I can handle it this time). This is the progress check to see how things are doing. I should have all the results by the next time I have my appointment with the Onc on June 21st. They will do all this again after the last treatment along with a PET scan. From there they will decide whether to do radiation treatments too.

So other than that not too much happening here. We are getting busy with the girls' soccer on Saturday mornings so won't be traveling much until August. I'm planning Avery's b-day party for the end of June. She wants to have it at Bingeman's Funworx....so it's pretty easy...no room for much creativity at all though! I guess this is a good year to keep it simple :) The girls have their end of year dance show on Monday...Beauty and the Beast.

A huge thank you to Granny and Grampa Allen for making this past week possible. (The girls miss you more, the more time they get to spend with you!!). My mum comes next week for my next treatment. The girls are certainly getting lots of grandparent attention...very nice...it's the silver lining of all this as Granny Ann has pointed out :)